A Daily Dose of Nothing: Jokes I Received From a Customer Today

This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please." The barman says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange." The boy goes, "Yeah, had that for a while now."
So the barman says, "How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?" And the boy says, "I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared"

He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said, "For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me." The genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's a women looking at me. Then the genie says, "What will your second wish be?" I said, "I'd like a wallet with $1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished." The genie says, "Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?" So I said, "For my third wish, I'd like half my head to be a big orange."

Two eggs are in a frying pan. One egg says, "Is it just me, or is it hot in here?" The second egg says "Holy shit! A talking egg!"

It's like the other day when I comment on my friend's new shirt and he replies, "I also got a Henway." So, I ask, "What's a Henway?" and he says, "It's a type of shirt."

Person1: That's an awful gash you've got on your forehead! How did you get it?
Person2: I bit myself.
Person1: How the hell did you manage to bite yourself on the forehead?
Person2: I stood on a chair.

A Daily Dose of Nothing